Life... so far

Alright, so lets see where the fuck we are. Can I star out like that? This is my life we are talking about, and people are supposed to get into this? Is it this just for me, or is this for the world? What makes posting things on the internet make us feel imortal? Dead sites all over the net have past. I've been around and watched the net evolve. Soon, we will be able to ask specific questions with only a few results. A 'Yes', or a 'No'. Oh, it will happen. "Dr. Know, there is nothing I don't."

Anyways, things have been funny for a while, but in two senses. Just off putting, but also hilarious. You have to keep your guard up at all times, and remember that when life brings you back up, that peak will happen just after you find it's on an upswing and then it will comeback down again. God seems to have been the first to invent roller coasters. So life? It has alot of people, people I need to get to in one way or antoher, but know this, it consist primarily of women. And while this shortens the existence of friends in my life (becuase there is just something about men and women being friends that stops it at a certain length) I still keep doing it. Everyone I meet, even while being in love with one at one time or another, I will can't seem to stopp investing. I am not a womanizer, I am quite the contrary, however it's not always as cut and dry as it should be, and there are times that I have fallen to the devil in just trying to meet someone that doesn't matter, that can maybe distract my self loathing, just as they seem to search for.

Look, I've made mistakes, and I regret them always, I think at this point, i can regret past actions, but before 'the now'. And when life seems to just get more complicated, it gets so much easier to forget who you are, to forget your mission, to forget to be a good person, because at one point in my life, I made up my mind it didn't serve any purpose to be good anymore, that being good was wrong and you just have to fuck everyone over to survive. I hit a point where I discovered that was wrong, but without the right people in my life, I forget what I have learned. It doesn't help that sometimes those right people also hurt your feelings. And just because I discovered that virtue is it's own reward doesn't mean that, that person who hated to be good still isn't there to fuck me over.

Still, I am just writing this to say that I've been fucked all over again by my evil side? Maybe. Can I be sure? No. But Goddamn, I haven't written my life in quite awhile. So for now.... here we go.


Listening too: Lupe Fiasco - Album; "Food and Liquor" - Track 17