Nahal

I feel like I'm in a trance, I'm in a daze. I have never felt this way, not in a million years. this girl sets my heart afire and no one else is to care. No one else matters, no one else dares. I see the flowers of the past die, and the new ones bloom for eternity. She makes me want to forget everyone of the past, every evil ex, every person I've ever known. She makes me scared to grow up and but brave to be a man. She is the cure to my heart, the mason tto my stone. She chips away effortlessly, with a smile and a grin. Her teeth radiate like the the sun to me. Her eyes laugh like a child. Her hair glistens in the rain, and her walk makes fresh gusts of wind. I met a girl once, or should I say, she met me. Maybe we met each other at the same time. Somehow, one day, while stalking on facebook, befor that was a fad, before that was a word, I met a girl, who's smile was of the stuff dreams are made of. I added her, not thinking of it much, just trying to find a pretty girl. But her creativity, her inability to be smug, the thousands of pictures and I only saw the ones, where she was prettiest to me, or that's all I remembered. One day I got her number, and she was to be coy. She played hard to get, too hard for the mexican boy. I wanted to get to know her, but her heart wouldn't let it be. So I had to overcome her, and I had to make her see. I was the one to cure her ills, the one to meet her needs, so I kept texting for a ressponse, for something to make her see me. it was two and fro, just a playful dance, until onne day I came back from mexico, and made quite a stance. i said I was back, and she asked me from where, I said from the motherland, and I hated to leave there. we stroke up a bit of banter, and banter lead to a talk, a talk lead to laughter, and laughter lead to thought. Who was this boy, she wondered, and I wondered, who was this girl, but I knew something was to be discovered, and a passion began to unfurl. Again and again I asked her to meet, but "next time" she did plea, until once I asked for ice cream, and she agreed to see me. I was frantic of what to do, tried not to remind her of her decision, least she come to her wits, and find an excuse to bail, and see against her intuition. I didn't know if it was intuition that allowed us to meet, but I like to think so, and in that I succeeded a great feat. We had funny banter, and nervousness at times, but it sparked into something interesting, and soon we read each others minds. I kept her up past her bed time, but it certainly was worth the wait, and I thought of her all the while home, and kept thinking how it was great. I didn't know shew was upset, and still avoided me from time to time, but our text we invigorating, and kept me fresh inside her mind. Baseball games, and natural sun tans, and pictures of our breakfast, you think we were best friends forever, but it was love that crept up steadfast. A night at the beach was a sweet moment for two, but we could not kiss, neither dared follow through. It was that time of feeling you hated to keep secrete but just wasn't sure. But a feeling I needed to make sure was time tested and pure. I wasted countless nights on others, and never gave them a test, but this girl I knew was something, and worth the effort, none the less. Then finally one night, when no one was home, I took her up to my room, and told her she returned my poem. The type of speech you speak when you have an expression to say, and I'll admit hate, hurt and greed kept it locked deep away. For those too many I hurt, and the many who hurt me back, it wasn't worth a damn in my mind to even talk back. I didn't want to love, I couldn't remember what it was like, i wanted to feel numb, I forgot what it was to treat a woman right. Until you came along, with luscious eyes of brown, you've become my Persian Godess, my lovely queen, and royal crown. i want to honor you in the day, want to honor you at nite. i want to want to be your shinning armor, i want to make all your past wrongs right. For you make my past no more, my present becomes more stunning, because you're heart paves my new path, I no longer feel like i'm running. My fears at at my heals, I stomp them instead of run. You make me pick up the olive branch for others, you make me forget about the gun. The path to life is love, I had forgotten that was true. The path to happiness is peace, and the happiness is you.

You Deserve More than a Lover

look, i wasn't trying to upset you, I was trying to get you to talk and maybe get you out of your mood

all of our status updates are based on an instant mood

something tells me that there is a lot going on in your life right now, more than just the shoes

and it always seems since we've last hung out, you've been pretty terse with me as well.

I mean, I don't know you, not at all, it's been over 3 weeks since we've last hung out, or even honestly talked for more than a few minutes. I want to know whats going on with you. I mean, i don't play games, you said you didn't want to, so you know I'm not trying to get close for some random average guy bullshit. You seem to have a lot of great traits, and I want to tap into them. But also know I'm not just trying to be with you, I want to get to know you.

Now I was going to try once more to have a real normal talk with you, maybe consider you are just too busy as of late, but when we first hung out, you didn't even know me, and still made time for me, twice in a row, and even after that, talked to me all my way home, saying you're attracted to me, you've told your mom all about me, and were excited "to see where this goes" and.... it really hasn't gone anywhere. Seems like you're avoiding me.

what's with all the distance- is something bothering you? I'm just curious, I've been wondering about you.

I mean, you asked me that first night, "why do guys come off all super excited, and then cool off suddenly?" I told you it was a control issue, something to make people steamed enough to get that person stuck in someones head. Well, I could ask that of girls, cause it seems like that's what going on, and girl, you're stuck in mine.

I'm just saying I'll be there for you, cause you know I'm not about games, so this is the truth to you, cause I'm too old to be playing that shit, time to grow up. And honestly, I want to, and would love to see that with you too, because you told me in your life, men have come and gone (if you can call them 'men') and once they got what they wanted from you, they left. That all you've had were lovers.

Norma, I just want you to know, that you deserve more than just a lover, (and I've been dying forever to let you know that face to face) you deserve a friend, you deserve a relationship. You deserves a hand, and a heart, and a hug and hold. Don't be like everyone else, achieve your dream, because of what I know so far, from the girl I didn't know, who told me all her aspirations, you are better than the rest who surround us. So, if at least you choose to not answer me, know that you are something that is better.

Don't shoot me out of your life to quickly, because while you dropped your guard those first few nights, I didn't.... until you told me you were excited to see where we were to go, and now, I can't stop thinking about you.

Hopefully, I'll talk to you soon, but honestly, I had to let it out. God bless, and with a little luck, I'll talk to you soon.

play it off like you're curious about her and wondering about her well0beeing and all that

but also be prepared to hear what she has to say even if you don't like it

And the whole world was out Oyster!

Alex

Hey, David

9:47pmDavid

hey

9:48pmAlex

Remember that one time it was like super insane outside at UW-Waukesha, and it was like Hurrican type conditions?

9:48pmDavid

haha

yeah!

9:48pmAlex

and then I ran outside from the computer lab, and ran in the rain, and yelled at the sky, "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!?!?!"

9:48pmDavid

hahaha

yes, I remember that

I love thunderstorms!

I miss UW-Waukesha because of times like those :)\

:)

9:49pmAlex

I know

I miss those days too

Man, the whole world was our oyster!

9:50pmDavid

yeah

I just GOT TO KNOW!

Alex

Bah!

9:52pmDiana

wassup mang

9:53pmAlex

remember that damn girl I was complaining about?

9:53pmDiana

yupp

9:54pmAlex

i kind of tried to confront her

just on here, said hi, she was all like, "HEY! HOW ARE YOU!?!?"

I talked a little then was like, where have you been? she said she was busy, i said I wasn't sure if she was blowing me off, she said she wasn't, and that she was ok, then when I finally get into just trying to make small talk about the day, she logs off

DAAMN IT!

9:56pmDiana

it sounds like she doesn't have much on her mind

lol

did you try calling her straight up?

9:56pmAlex

no

I was trying to see if she would contact me

9:57pmDiana

call tosee what happpens

thats my advice!

9:59pmAlex

just call her now?

10:02pmAlex

?

10:04pmDiana

um no

like at a normal time

lol

10:04pmAlex

ok

I was going to text her, "Well, I guess when you have more time for me, just contact me." or should I just wait to call at a decent nite sometime?"

10:05pmDiana

2nd option

10:06pmAlex

ok

10:09pmAlex

i'll calm down

this girl is driving me nuts

she's a conundrum, and I HAVE TO SOLVE IT!

10:11pmDiana

lol ok

what if you ju stdont care

what woul dhappen

10:12pmAlex

i'd be pissed

10:13pmAlex

fine, whatever

10:13pmDiana

what

did something serious happen

cuz it seems like you're really invested in this person

maybe i am just missing something here

10:14pmAlex

well, yeah, i am!

she took this insane chance on me, exposed herself, heart and soul to me, got my heart all spun in a bunch, gave me a kiss, told me she told her mom all about me, said she's nuts about me, then stops talking to me and I JUST NEED TO KNOW!

THAT'S A BIG FUCKING DEAL!@

10:16pmDiana

okay

dont get mad at me, shoo

i didn't know all that info lol

10:16pmAlex

yeah, I know

10:16pmDiana

dang sounds kinda bogus now that you told me all that!

10:16pmAlex

it's just been building up in my mind, it's been tearing me up

10:16pmDiana

you should just call her right now

and be like dude wtf is your issue?

10:22pmAlex

hmmm

yeah?

10:22pmDiana

if jonathan did that to me

oooooo

it would juts downright piss me off

playin me like that

10:28pmAlex

I think I should

not tonight, i'm too flustered at the moment

10:28pmDiana

yea

sory alex

10:28pmAlex

and it's so late

10:29pmDiana

i didn't know ya'll had developed that much intimacy in your relationship

but yea if she was avoiding you or soemthing like that ... she's gotta just be real and end it more maturely

10:30pmAlex

yeah

well, it was only 3 days, but all in a row, and her saying she was excited to see where this was going to go

10:34pmDiana

hrms

i see

10:34pmAlex

so I don't know, I did everything right keeping my guard up, but once I let it down after that night, she canceled on me once, then stood me up the next

so i'm a little on edge

10:35pmDiana

well ya just call er up and be like yoo waddups. what's with all the distance- is something bothering you?

play it off like you're curious about her and wondering about her well0beeing and all that

but also be prepared to hear what she has to say even if you dont like it

10:37pmAlex

yeah, whats with the distance, is something bothering you?

that sounds good

ugh, i should wait for another day though

10:37pmDiana

yea just call tomorrow

aite son i gotta sleep

early day tomorrow

jonathan is playing magic the gathering tonight until ike 2 in the morning

give him a text to go to bed

LOL

he'll be surprised

dont tell him i said anything tho!

10:38pmAlex

ha ha

ok

thanks, diana

10:38pmDiana

no prob

night!

10:39pmAlex

Good night

What do you do to be Un-Bored?

Alex

hola

10:24pmNorma

que tal

como estas?

10:24pmAlex

i'm alright, tired, you?

10:24pmNorma

tthe same

very bored

10:26pmAlex

ha

what do you do to be unbored usually? meaning, "what do you do for fun?

10:27pmNorma

hand out

hang out

lol

with my firends

10:28pmAlex

ah

what do you guys do?

10:29pmNorma

sumtimes go out to eat, hit the clubs things like that

10:29pmAlex

ah, nice

10:30pmNorma

yep LOL!

10:30pmAlex

yeah, that's how me and my buddies are

10:30pmNorma

nice

but alot of them are gone rite now u no spring brake

10:30pmAlex

ah

so now you need something to do, huh?

10:31pmNorma

yeah!

LOL!

Y?

10:31pmAlex

ha ha ha

go see a movie

have a martini

a glass of wine

10:31pmNorma

yeah soundz good when u can

10:32pmAlex

Hmmm, tomorrow nite maybe

10:32pmNorma

aight

i get out of work at 10

10:32pmAlex

Ok, sweet, yeah I'll come out, whats your number

10:33pmNorma

414-393-7797

text me urz w ur name so i no who u are

10:35pmNorma

got it!

10:35pmAlex

ha ha

hilarious

10:35pmNorma

i dont drive though

10:35pmAlex

ah, just like a mexican

10:35pmNorma

lol

10:35pmAlex

you are mexican, right?

ha ha

10:35pmNorma

no

jut like a broke college student

10:35pmAlex

I knew it, I'm like, "I'm going to eat those words"

Ah

10:36pmNorma

lol

10:36pmAlex

and you're where, on campus?

10:36pmNorma

no in west allis

but

i work in the south side

10:36pmAlex

Ah, yesh! the Stallis

10:36pmNorma

botanas 5th and national

10:36pmAlex

Ah

that's a cool place

10:37pmNorma

yep

10:37pmAlex

ok, so pick you up at 10?

10:38pmNorma

aight soundz good!

10:38pmAlex

i'll probably be dressed in my work clothes too

10:38pmNorma

lol dats cool it's only tuesday

10:38pmAlex

yeah, that's right

what you want to get first?

Oh, I know where to go

10:38pmNorma

where?

10:40pmAlex

Blu

at the Pfister

10:40pmNorma

ok never been there but soundz good!

10:40pmAlex

lets hit that for a nice hard drink, then off to Balzac for some wine

10:41pmNorma

aight! I luv wine!

10:41pmAlex

nice

10:41pmNorma

yep

lol

10:42pmAlex

and then we should get some hooka

10:42pmNorma

I luve hooka

too

where?

though

10:42pmAlex

hmmm, maybe casablanca, but it could be cool at 2 Sweet as well

10:43pmNorma

ok

10:43pmAlex

casa is cool if you want to eat, but 2 sweet is more remote

Or hell, Shi Chia

10:43pmNorma

wats that?

10:44pmAlex

a hooka bar

hmmm

10:44pmNorma

oh nice nice!

10:44pmAlex

with a good buzz that we'll probably have, I think casa will do nicely

10:44pmNorma

yeah me too how late is it open to?

10:45pmAlex

damn, only until 10 on tuesdays

10:45pmNorma

we'll there are the other bars

we'll there are the other bars

10:46pmAlex

ah, Shi Chai is open until 2, we'll hit that

10:46pmNorma

aight is it open on tues though?

10:46pmAlex

yeah

10:46pmNorma

cool!

10:47pmAlex

alright, nite planned. DONE!

10:47pmNorma

yep

sounds like we'll have a good time

10:47pmAlex

I think we should

do you need to eat by then?

10:48pmNorma

idk do u?

10:48pmAlex

maybe....

10:48pmNorma

most rest arn;t open that late

10:48pmAlex

I feel like a steak at that point

i'll find something before hand

10:49pmNorma

aight soundz very good then!

10:49pmAlex

aweomse

awesome*

10:50pmNorma

aight text me 2marrow!

10:50pmAlex

yeah, for sure, text me tomorrow during the day if you want

10:50pmNorma

ok! soundz good!

see ya 2marrow then!

goodnite!

10:50pmAlex

time to finish seinfeld. NITE!

10:50pmNorma

lol

10:52pmNorma is offline.

Til death do us part

Alex

hola

11:20amVanessa

hello

11:20amAlex

how are you doing this fine morning

11:21amVanessa

um im doing good...just doin some wash...How are you?

11:21amAlex

I'm just slacking at work

11:21amVanessa

im sure thats wat i will b doin later

11:22amAlex

nice

anything new?

11:23amVanessa

um not really...gettin outa this town for a week which will be nice...never took a vaca b4 and im gona love every min of it

11:24amAlex

Nice

where you going?

11:25amVanessa

Going to TX

11:28amAlex

nice

this summer I get to go to mexico for the first time

I'm pretty excited

and for a wedding too

11:29amVanessa

yup...just to get outa here is nice

i want to go to mex and im sure some time soon i will

11:29amAlex

yeah, get out for a bit, it's good to unwind. any plans when you go there, or just go where the road takes you?

11:31amVanessa

um goin to see my man and his fam there...and to party here and there

11:31amAlex

nice

11:33amAlex

Awe, that's a shame though you have to do the long distance thing though

11:34amVanessa

its not that bad...its only been alil over a month and he comin back here in may to stay so i do suck but its wateve...better to wait then deal with some of the lames ass here.

11:34amAlex

Awe, that's a shame though you have to do the long distance thing though

I did that for a spell once, but sometimes you just have to not let that get in your way

11:36amVanessa

yea i wanted for my ex for 7 months only to find out that the bitch cheated on me anyways...people suck

waited

11:36amAlex

yeah, it happens, I've had that too, sometimes you just got to learn from it

11:37amVanessa

oh i dont seem to learn at all cause im always wit the assholes

11:37amAlex

awe

11:37amVanessa

but this one aint so thats why im waitin

i was never in to the pushovers

but then i thought nothin wrong with a man that just loves to be next to me

11:39amAlex

well, just take it slow, the long distance can be hard, but it also cuts on getting to know them in some instances. Be careful is all, not being negative, but i've been there

11:40amVanessa

i use to kick it wit him back in the day...i already know dude so im not worried

11:40amAlex

well that's good

why is he out there?

11:41amVanessa

helpin his fam out that lives there

but since we 2gether now he wants to come back

helpin his fam out that lives there

11:42amAlex

cool

well, I wish you all the best of luck, maybe this one will be the one

11:44amAlex

me, on the other hand, I'm not really pursuing anymore, if I find someone worth spending time in, then i'll hang out, and then whatever happens, happens.

11:55amVanessa

thats the best way to go...when you dont look thats when they come around

11:56amAlex

that's what I figure, because that happened lot and I don't have the patience for tradition guero dating, i'd rather just hang and let it happen natrually

11:57amVanessa

yea...also when u wit someone thats when it seems that others wana talk to you more...i dont know why that is

11:58amAlex

I KNOW! RIGHT!?!?

Don't you hate/love that? HA HA!

12:00pmVanessa

i hate it more then anything but its wateve....i work at a bar so i hear shit almost every day...

12:01pmAlex

ha, true that

It's interesting, makes it harder, but then again, variety is the spice of life

but it does present the idea of having to know one's self to choose who really is a better fit and match

hate to say it, but all's fair in love and war

and we have to really be for ourselves if we want to be happy

12:03pmVanessa

yea but what kind of person are you really to make somone else unhappy just so you can be better off....plus if u meet someone that has someone else and is will to try and get at you...what kind of person is that?

12:04pmAlex

yeah, that's the problem too

see, when two people are in a relationship that works, they only want to make each other happy

verses saying they want the others to just make them happy.

12:05pmVanessa

and what makes you think that if they are willin to do that to them for you what makes you think they aint going to do that to you with someone else

12:05pmAlex

and that's where you would hope if a person saw something wasn't working they would try to remove themselves, instead of just lingering and doing damage to both paries

12:06pmVanessa

u just dont go there if they got someone...wait til they dont

12:06pmAlex

yeah, love is a hard thing

12:06pmVanessa

it aint love at first

12:06pmAlex

Yeah, it's lust

12:06pmVanessa

its lust

12:06pmAlex

but you can't have love without a little bit of lust

and if it were true and real, you would wait

love is patient, kind, not jealous or spiteful

12:07pmVanessa

love is just a word

its what you do that mkes it count

12:08pmAlex

that's true

Do you believe in unconditional love?

Vanessa

but then i thought nothin wrong with a man that just loves to be next to me

11:39amAlex

well, just take it slow, the long distance can be hard, but it also cuts on getting to know them in some instances. Be careful is all, not being negative, but i've been there

11:40amVanessa

i use to kick it wit him back in the day...i already know dude so im not worried

11:40amAlex

well that's good

why is he out there?

11:41amVanessa

helpin his fam out that lives there

but since we 2gether now he wants to come back

helpin his fam out that lives there

11:42amAlex

cool

well, I wish you all the best of luck, maybe this one will be the one

11:44amAlex

me, on the other hand, I'm not really pursuing anymore, if I find someone worth spending time in, then i'll hang out, and then whatever happens, happens.

11:55amVanessa

thats the best way to go...when you dont look thats when they come around

11:56amAlex

that's what I figure, because that happened lot and I don't have the patience for tradition guero dating, i'd rather just hang and let it happen natrually

11:57amVanessa

yea...also when u wit someone thats when it seems that others wana talk to you more...i dont know why that is

11:58amAlex

I KNOW! RIGHT!?!?

Don't you hate/love that? HA HA!

12:00pmVanessa

i hate it more then anything but its wateve....i work at a bar so i hear shit almost every day...

12:01pmAlex

ha, true that

It's interesting, makes it harder, but then again, variety is the spice of life

but it does present the idea of having to know one's self to choose who really is a better fit and match

hate to say it, but all's fair in love and war

and we have to really be for ourselves if we want to be happy

12:03pmVanessa

yea but what kind of person are you really to make somone else unhappy just so you can be better off....plus if u meet someone that has someone else and is will to try and get at you...what kind of person is that?

12:04pmAlex

yeah, that's the problem too

see, when two people are in a relationship that works, they only want to make each other happy

verses saying they want the others to just make them happy.

12:05pmVanessa

and what makes you think that if they are willin to do that to them for you what makes you think they aint going to do that to you with someone else

12:05pmAlex

and that's where you would hope if a person saw something wasn't working they would try to remove themselves, instead of just lingering and doing damage to both paries

12:06pmVanessa

u just dont go there if they got someone...wait til they dont

12:06pmAlex

yeah, love is a hard thing

12:06pmVanessa

it aint love at first

12:06pmAlex

Yeah, it's lust

12:06pmVanessa

its lust

12:06pmAlex

but you can't have love without a little bit of lust

and if it were true and real, you would wait

love is patient, kind, not jealous or spiteful

12:07pmVanessa

love is just a word

its what you do that mkes it count

12:08pmAlex

that's true

Do you believe in unconditional love?

12:10pmVanessa

no

and this death do us part stuff

u could only know that when one loved one dies

you dont see that a lot anymore

12:11pmAlex

hmmm, maybe, but I bet you would know that sooner than you think, that's only if you have the wits to be aware of that though

12:12pmVanessa

plus all these KIDS these days gettin married and havin kids at 17...u know they ass aint stayin together...These days all people want to do is get some ass

12:12pmAlex

Yeah, i'll agree it's not there like it used to be, but then one could argue we didn't before either and it's still evolving.

Yeah, getting married and having children are not real accomplishments

it's what you do with them that matters

12:13pmVanessa

i dont see it gettin any better any time soon

and ur right....just cause u have a kid dont make u a parent

12:13pmAlex

yeah, totally

12:13pmVanessa

or gettin married dont make you a couple

it just makes you two people that signed the same paper

12:14pmAlex

yeah

and it's odd how people change and disguise themselves

my sister in law for one

what a ruse she pulled on us

hell, even I got tricked a few times

12:15pmVanessa

yea im not to crazy with the women that my brothers are wit

but thats them and not me...got my own things to worry about

12:15pmAlex

yeah

I do like my little brother's girl alot more this time around

but you should give unconditional love a shot

I still believe in it

used to be all the way there, and even though I've been hurt and corrupted by the bad ones, I've still got the glimmer in my heart and I'm trying to get it back

12:18pmVanessa

its all just words..when i have somone that loves me...all i need to do is feel it...words dont me anything if youdont feel it

i have heard it all...i just wana feel it

12:19pmAlex

I can understand that

well, once you feel it then, you'll know what I'm talking about

and sometimes, it's not even feeling it from someone, it's giving it TO someone

Vanessa

oh ok

i have gave it and got fucked

12:21pmAlex

yeah, but it's still there

give it time

if you've got total respect for yourself, exclude the cynicism, you'll get there

12:21pmVanessa

ok....im not lookin for that...im just for the moment RIGHT NOW

12:21pmAlex

but you know you're worth it, which is more than I can say for most

yeah, be the moment, that's the best way to reset

12:22pmVanessa

yup

12:24pmAlex

yeah, you know that's a big deal, don't you think

knowing one is "worth it"?

12:25pmVanessa

yea i do...but its hard to think after the bullshit that people do to you..im kinda a bitch because all that has been done and said to me

12:28pmAlex

I mean, I'm to the point that it's just not worth it to me to have to uplift someone forever, i think I need someone to be my equal, not a weight

yeah, I am too, I've become a bit more angry than I used to be and I hate that

when people don't get what they want, they can be pretty ruthless

12:30pmVanessa

yea...so im tryin not to b a bitch to my man now since he has been nothin but nice to me but its still hard

12:32pmAlex

I bet, I've become like that too a little

12:33pmAlex

I used to think it ment this person wasn't good for me, which it could have been, but I think it's just me growing to be more defensive too

of course, I need an energy in a person too, and the most recent ones didn't have any

12:38pmVanessa

yea...i just need to 4get about what has went down in the past and look and what i got now...noone is the same...not even the assholes...

12:43pmAlex

hey, i've got a customer here, so I've got to go, but text me sometime, good to talk to you

12:43pmVanessa

have a good day

12:44pmAlex

i haven't had a good talk in years

adois

Love is the only answer

i don't know whats going on here tonight man, I think god saved me, but I don't know, maybe it's just actions maybe it's just ;luck, a sonner, a sinner I just know that I need to get my head straight. It's all these people from my past ,like this is a second chance, she said she isn't late anymore, and I hope that is real. I hope this is real, I pray night and day, I want to take m care of my parents, I want to take care of my mother, but this is impossible, whats goiong on with life, with me?? I mean, meething all these people from my past. I just met ivonne tonight, another girl from my past, i rejected Selena, sho wanted me to see her, even with her supposed happy relationship ,aybe it was a sign that things will change. Maybe it's the good people who are coming back into my life to remind me of what I used to be, what I can be. Where my hope was, of what I am destined to be. Who lknows, maybe it was just another glorious night, but al all I do know is is that maybe this is another chace. I can't be certain. I can only keep praying over and over and over again. And hope that God needs me to be who i used to me used to be. Love... is the only answer.

She won't always love you just because

It's 6am, too bad it's not 4 am cause thats the time that alot of bad things are supposed to happen, but I'm drinking a mikes hard lemonade, and well, that's something i've never done before. Nore anyone would ever expect me to do. Maybe Sergio can help hone my writing skills, it's our new Mexicans helping Mexicans project. I think I'll call it... a million to juan. Yeah, that's a rip off too. But I know Angela would be appauld, so would my mom, so would selena, my grandma, my abuelita, and every other person I know, cept for my best friend Fiasal. She called me about.... two weeks ago, yeah, thanks, didn't know I still had my number. Maybe that needs to change. Actually, the Alex you knew was deleted when I changed my fucking voice mail (deleted my over used profanity about my Lord). I hate that thing. Alex J Dominguez. Or should I just say, "Hello, you've recieved subserviant americano, step on me and tell me I'm shit and I'll still say it's candy. Anways. maybe this is a new leaf, or maybe I'm just a aaa a liar.

Sea of Pointless Pussy

it is my renouned discourse, whatever that means, to never go to sleep again, long have I wasted my life, or atleast these past few precious years, i say three, asleep and alone and a dying desperate soulles shell of a man. is this what happens to people? those 40 somethings with the kids that they order around, the out of touch woman, the alooff woman mindlessly sorting the books on the donate section of the fair, feeling like she is the most imoortant woman of the show, shooing off the kids who so badly need a parent figure and just want to help, she shoos them away as if working on a atomic bomb, how trite, and predicatble thios diatrie is going, never the less, my writting styles are not what they used to be. I hate whatt my i hate what my malnutrition has done to me. Soda has wasted my life, and mcdonalds should send my fucking kid to college, or a or atleast pay off my college loans of the money I shat down their fucking throats. I need a hobbie, or atleast a purpose in life. I have been asleep for way to long, this revolutionary that could have accomplished anything. Whats alex doing they wonder?? is he out busy saving the world yea yet? no, he is siotting up watching his microsoft xbox 360, watching netflix, on his friends i mac macbook, and in all honestly, just plain pissed, anyways, he's sad, sad that maybe his prayers don't work anymore, sad that no one even remebers he prayes anymore. he's sad that this is probably the most writing his he's done in agesr ages. It's sad that he's even scared to write, to confront his own fears of even confronting his angers and failures. Meanwhile, he had a second chance he had a second chance and now, since he blew it, with self malase and anger, hre fucked it all up by being sorry for himself, being drained by the one mexican girl he had a shot with a blew it, letting her fuck his mind up years after it was over, never will I pick up the calls again, always will I remmber my abuelitas advice to her advice to never look back, always look fora forward. His girl may his girl may be pregnant again because, well, lets face it, i'm patheitic, I sit in a statistic now, along with the rest of the fucking world. So goes the little gy, the one that believes that he is above the rest, even while living amounst them. Maybe this is the begining of tn the next obama, spelling errors and all, watching the best series i've seen in a swhile, Californication, (it must be applauded) or maybe these writings will be lost in the corprate giant google, and now they are the ownership of them too. I think that maybe I should be brave, see what happens with my girl, because she is now mine, well, lets just hope that i can actually earn some money, and at the very least, live the american dream, which I guess is to stay alive long enough to get government health care.

5 NUMBERS AGAIN!

Alex

hey

11:06pmRachel

hi

11:06pmAlex

how you doing?

11:07pmRachel

im great. i went on the boat today and partied and watched a bon fire. i met a lot of people too.

11:08pmAlex

sweet

11:08pmRachel

yeah, how are you?

11:08pmAlex

good, you?

last night, I went too...

A wedding, kennedy's, club 3, meze, and the wherehouse

11:09pmRachel

oh...thats a lot in one day

11:09pmAlex

yeah!

holy shit it was, it was just like, one of those nights, like in rare form, everything happened. I mean the star aligned, devine intervention, you couldn't have planed a night like that if you tried.

11:10pmRachel

wow...spectacular. i don't think i have days that have devine intervention lol

maybe im wrong....

who knows

11:11pmAlex

ha ha

11:11pmRachel

so tell me the details

11:12pmAlex

so i go to my friend's wedding, it was pretty small, and even the people who stood up in the wedding didn't dance, but me and fiasal changed that, we sat with some old friends I knew and we partied on hard core, then the energy was pumping, and we was like, "ok, we got plenty of beers in us, WE GOTTA GO OUT!"

11:13pmRachel

i thought you don't drink?

11:14pmAlex

we high tail it to Kennedy's with the same people, and for a time, it was good. I got my friend Johnnie to show up too, and wasn't dressed to impress so I gave him my suit blazer and it made all the difference. So, one martini later, and the joining of one of our friend's sister, we went across the street to club 3

it was 3 dollars for anything, since it was their last night being open. It was packed because of that, but the dance floor sucked, it's a cool techno club, but damn it's too small

Johnnie buys for all me and Faisal. We get a round of Patron that was strong as fuck! We then decide to hit this eruo bar called Meze, a friend of ours works there too

11:15pmRachel

oh...thats why it closed?

11:15pmAlex

yeah

11:15pmRachel

when did you start drinking?

11:16pmAlex

we walk in and in an instant I bump into two girls I used to work with at La Casa de Esperanza. I haven't seen these girls for 5 years!

11:17pmRachel

cool

11:17pmAlex

They are celebrating their cousin's birthday. IT's like 7 latina girls all jamming, we take two more rounds of shots, then dance our asses off in a circle, taking up the entire dance floor of the small bar. Then the other people who were at the wedding walk randomly in as well. It's a brother and sister group from venezuela and an albanian girl and her sister (from kennedy's too)

11:18pmAlex

ANyways, the latina girls wanted to hit a latin club, asked us to go to Fuego, but Faisal's girlfriend was at Wherehouse, so we went there. I knew a girl I met was there, and she was texting me. but as soon as I walk in, fiasal ditches me and johnnit

not to worry, cause I meet, ANOTHER GIRL! Actually, it' was Johnnie, I turn and he's yaking it up with some tall white girl, I then get introduced and there is one girl in the group that seems familiar. She's like, "Don't I know you?"

11:21pmAlex

I met her a year ago, same place, for another birthday of a friend, and we start yaking. I teach her to dance merengue, blah, blah blah. I meet my other friend there, dance, her friends get tired and make her leave. Johnnie and I just standing like dolts, but then I see another couple of girls, so I'm like to Johnnie, "Follow my lead" He takes the black one (since he's black, HA) and I take the latina, who ends up being Honduran and a great Salsa dancer (as I fake my own the whole time) and we just have a blast

11:23pmAlex

We run into another UWM Latino girl who came with Faisal's girlfriend, and we end the night at Black and White Burger, witness a crazy bum come inside, finish our food, drop of Faisal's girl, get to Faisal's place to see his xbox is gone cause his friends took it, find they messed up the cable, so I just grab a pillow, crash on the couch, get up, go home, work on some dry wall and that pretty much sums it up

5 NUMBERS!

Alex

hey

9:42pmJustice

hey what's up??

9:42pmAlex

where were you last night?

9:42pmJustice

suite

you?

9:44pmAlex

I went too...

A wedding, kennedy's, club 3, meze, and the wherehouse

9:46pmJustice

daaang

what's club 3?

9:47pmAlex

it's right across the street from kenndy's, and in between 720 and Cubanitas

they closed

it was there last night

their*

and we went to Meze, thinking you would maybe be there, and ran into a bunch of people I hadn't seen for 5 years

9:48pmJustice

oh three lol

yeah i love that place

lol hahah whose we?

9:49pmAlex

Faisal, I, and I was with my friend Johnnie

9:50pmJustice

ahhh i see

9:51pmAlex

so I run into this group of girls, two I used to work with, then the group of people we were at the wedding with showed up, we danced the night away there, then they went to fuegos, and we were to follow but then went to wherehouse instead, met more people from the past, and danced my mexican ass off latin style

10:02pmJustice

lol

sounds like fun!!

craaaap

10:03pmAlex

holy shit it was, it was just like, one of those nights, like in rare form, everything happened. I mean the star aligned, devine intervention, you couldn't have planed a night like that if you tried.

10:06pmJustice

lol good :-) love when that happens

Well, that was awkard

So, I'm sitting here at my work, just minding my own business. The day is deader than a door nail, and I can't wait for something to happen, the only thing so far was a jerk ass customer tried to shop us after buying a car and my business manager was none too happy cause he stayed after for the woman and sacrificed his family time. I can't even remember what I was doing at the moment, but all of a sudden my phone rings. I don't recognize the number and I could car less, I'm a car salesman, now it's expected for odd numbers to call me, especially since my cell is plastered on my business card as my direct line. Whoever was the asshole who decided to do that to me should get smacked in the face. Anyways, it rings, I pick up, "Hello, Alex Dominguez" and this voice says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you" I'm thinking it's just a customer and I say, "Why not?" and she says, "because I just.. I didn't think you would have the same number, I'm sorry" I blank stare and stop my procedure and discover in one brief instant who it is. "Oh my God, I just realized who this was" "Sorry I didn't mean to call" "No that's ok, it's fine." "Sorry." "No it's fine... are you well?" "Yeah. I am, you?" "I'm good. I'm... uh, I'm here at work, I'm a car salesman, that's why I answered all professional like." "I'm sorry I called" it's ok, you... you take care of yourself, ok?" "Ok", and I think she said you too, but I can't be sure now, come to think of it. i cold here the shock, confusion, anger, and fear in her voice. Like that it would happen again, that it would start again, bad for her, bad for me, scum of the earth, fear, hope, and love... and dread. I put the phone down, stair into the distance just for a little. See my co-workers and get up, it's time for a walk. i stroll the lot, trying to make it seem like i give a shit about my job. It's not that bad. I think to myself it's not what it used to be, before I would be crushed, before I would dwell, and even now as I write this I know it's not even good to write, but I haven't in so long that maybe I can clear my head. But as soon as I stepped onto that parking lot, i stair off into the distance, into the setting sun, and only one things comes to mind, and I say it out loud, "God, I'm an asshole"

The Only Way to Make Things Right

Alex

hey, when is your weddings?

Put me down

I need to get my mail

your invitation went to my old address

9:41amStephanie

yups

u can rsvp online if u want: www.mywedding.com/griswoldlopez

9:51amAlex

funny

9:51amStephanie

how is that funny

9:52amAlex

whats the date?

9:52amStephanie

september 5th

9:52amAlex

ok

9:52amStephanie

reception starts ata 8

*at

ceremony is at 2

9:52amAlex

your site music should be michael jackson

9:52amStephanie

why

9:53amAlex

cause, he rocks?

9:54amAlex

Bah, you are no fun in the morning

I'm a have to buy a newass suit for dis too

9:55amStephanie

no i really am not lol

u can wear whatever u want... as long as its kinda dressy

9:57amStephanie

did u hear kristine got engaged 2 weeks ago?

10:01amAlex

yeah

that's cool

hopefully love finally triumphs

Oh, and i'm crazy, but i'm going to and try to propose to Selena

You're the only one that knows

10:07amStephanie

ohh geez well good luck

10:10amAlex

it will be the ultimate test, to put it to the end, one way or another, it will show that atleast it wasn't without that final push, and show Selena that too

She then can never accuse me of not having the balls to do it, and I can atleast say, "Atleast I tried"

10:11amStephanie

true

10:12amAlex

it's a cute ring too

10:18amStephanie

aww

10:18amAlex

White gold, with a pink gem, with little diamonds around it

10:19amStephanie

aww

that does sound cute

10:19amAlex

i'm going out there tonight

she hates me, lets see whats this does

both of us have been on edge, she may blow up in my face, but I have to do this

right after work, i'm not leaving until I find her

10:20amStephanie

that is very romanitic

good luck

10:20amAlex

I got out of work late, and I knew I was too tired, I went straight to bed so I would be ready

thanks

Say a prayer for me

This is the only way to make things right

10:21amStephanie

sure thing

Jim Croce

I miss my father

death

LIfe, is, Hell. I have no right to be angry, as all my actions turned from hero to villan. I am going... to hell...... message out.

Here's looking at you, Trix

A call out to Veronica. I loved you, but I barely knew you, and yet all I needed was to experience you once, and you had a hold on my life. I hate the unatinability of you, the desire, the love, the spark, the heart. I've seen a many girl who have aspired to be like you, and yet that perfect match of personality, cunny, and determination have aluded them all.

You're ability to stay off the grid only adds to your allure. It only adds to your mysteriousness that makes a man scream for more. And while those who have more than enough of you have squandered every last drop of their experience, our experiences always had poinence, always had meaning, always had significance and reason. We loved beyond our other significant others, and kissed in the deepest recesses of the night, held each other in need, and admitted our darkest secretes in total confidence.

I will never love like that agian, and something makes me not want to ever again. Because if it is without you... then it... is in vain.

Take care Trix, I love you.

Quixotic

Alright, no more fucking around no more. I'm making a come back, the Alex all of you have come to know is no more, I'm going to be heroic, with a slice of love. I used to save everyone, only to be left in ruin. But it was me that was supposed to be ruined, and one else, I've steered from that vow. I don't give a shit, I can still love Selena, but it will be on my terms in the right way, cause I can still be the hero. Ever since Brenda, I've strove to save anyone and everyone from harm, I'm a sucker for the babes, but know that outright, what I have to do now... it's take it all back. Love my family, love myself, and love everyone else... the right way.

Songs

False Remembrencies

you ever try to write a song without words?

if we can just stay alive long enough, we might become somebody

A Moment Like That in Ages

And so it was, the thing that I needed, for someone to care, for someone to care about, and someone to care about me. I came home, exausted, trampled by the day, trampled by the sights and sounds of dance, trampled by my own life and fears and sorrows. Practice was cancled by me, and then I didn't go home because my parents said to do so tomorrow. I went back to my place, to Rob, who failed to even say hi, as I walked in my room, i shook with grief kneeling upright on my bed. I ceased to shake and proceeded to turn my stereo on. Miles Davis was my cure, but still the deepening music for my soul only kept me in a state of reflectivness. And so it was, that I looked at my phone, it was silent and lifeless. I looked at a message of motivation on the front screen that read, "VeronicaCnSavU". How I missed her so, but I failed to even try to think I could somehow talk to her. I tried to change my phone banner to, "Don't Forget to See Him", refering to God, but it didn't look right and didn't fit right. As I cancled out, I instantly saw my message of hope again, and then I placed the call. In seconds Veronica picked up, and our sorrowful voices both aked for each other. As we found out we needed some hope it became clear what to do. Veronica says, "What are you doing?" I say nothing, and then she asks, if I want to come over for a little bit. Instantly the mood changes, our hearts lift up, and the even the song changes to an upbeat tempo.

Am I the Youngest Guy Here?

I'm standing in line at the local Best Buy, a Quicksilver Currier Employee to the right of me, and a Jack Nicholson look a like to my left, both deriding about their future hopes, and past crushed dreams waiting for a product from one of the most coveted systems ever created! The Wii is this insane phenomenon that just begs for nuclear apocalypse, and I'll tell you why. Oh sure, this was the second Best Buy I was at this morning, and it was oh so inspiring, the crisp dewy morning atmosphere, listening to the uproarious thunder of a water pressured street cleaner, but I digress, these two gentlemen where there for the same reason I was, to play games. Ah, you could see it in their eyes, the sparkling glitter of a life now past of sitting on the floor in their pj's, with nothing better to do but eat excrustiatingly expensive brand name cereal, watching shitty Sonic the Hedgehog episodes at 8 in the morning. Yes, it was a time of carefree days, of no concerns, but now that time for concern is at bay. I'm standing there, listening to these two fucktards jabber away at being 1st in line, last in line and eveyrthing in between about previous game releases, even some old guy who couldn't have been less than 70 regaled a time that civilized women would claw away at each other in the 40's when the department store sales would occur, which was the style at the time. But here is what I realized in that instant, a thought occurred, I looked to my right, then to my left, for which I soon questioned out loud..., "Am I the youngest guy here?" I do a quick divvy of the ages of those in line before me, while my age barometer is broken for those girls in high school to college, I can still tell the age of insufferable yuppy larva when I see one. I WAS THE YOUNGEST ONE THERE! Discounting my brother, a mear year an two months older than me, I was the youngest ray of light waiting for the coveted Wii fit. I mean, some people didn't even know what the HELL THEY WERE IN LINE FOR! "Excuse me, I'm new at this, what do we do?" FOR FUCK SAKES LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN LINE!?!?! QUIT WASTING MY TIME!!!!! SHe almost bought my answer of, "Ok, here is what you do, you let me go ahead of you, and I'll grab you one." After the assholish Best Buy blue meanie came out, and said under his breath, "blah minimum wage blah blah Wii Fit blah." and I'll complete his sentence, "I'm a freaking MORON!" he hands out pieces of paper with numbers on them for Wii Fit, almost in the same manner as the earlier Best Buy employees did, but less cordial, not even addressing the number of Wii Fits in stock, or who was there for one. This ass clown with a white man fro even bought one with said numbered paper, AND DIDN'T EVEN OWN A WII YET! Sure, some of them were there for Wii, and other's for Mario Kart. HASN"T THIS STUFF ALREADY BEEN OUT FOR MONTHS?!?!? GET ON IT NINTENDO! But, to their credit, it dispelled the notion that the Wii is just a gimic for all intensive purposes, atleast to this jaded Nintendo "Fan Boy". Still, Fan Boy is an outdated term at best, atleast for Nintendo, because I was the youngest guy there, a couple of kid stragglers aside, they could care less what line they were in before succuming to their sugar bowl enduced siezures, the new term should be fan yuppy, cause that's what I was beaten buy, some aging hipster who just bought the Wii Fit cause he got an numbered index card, and some dumb as lady who was "new at this". INSANITY! I mean, youngest guy in a Nintendo line? This is pandamonium! Dogs and Cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA! I mean, I can't live the button-down life like yous, I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend some of the blue noses with their cocky stride, and musky odors, OH!, I'll never be the darling of the, so called, "City Fathers", who cluck tounges, strokes their beards, and talk about, "What's to be done with this Alex Dominguez!?" Because, in America, first you get the Wii Fit, then you get the power, then you get the women.


p.s. Best Buy can suck my cock.