it will get better because you're awesome

SPAWN XVII: MELODIE!

ucslugchick: hola

SPAWN XVII: wow, long time no see, how you been doing?

ucslugchick: could be better, but let's just ignore that

ucslugchick: how have you been?

SPAWN XVII: Yeah, I'm trying to ignore some things as we speak

SPAWN XVII: I think of you whenever we have "I Love Lucy" at work

ucslugchick: lol

SPAWN XVII: HA HA, I work at a used music store now. I spend all day surrounded by music, movies, and video games. It's like sitting at home, but I get paid for it

ucslugchick: lol

ucslugchick: that's awesome

ucslugchick: i watch my 6 seasons over and over again

ucslugchick: lol

SPAWN XVII: it's cool enough, I feel prety comfortable now,

ucslugchick: i never get tired of them

SPAWN XVII: HA HA

SPAWN XVII: That's awesome

SPAWN XVII: it's like me and Seinfeld

ucslugchick: lol

SPAWN XVII: I just play all the seasons on my computer on random

ucslugchick: hahaha

ucslugchick: same here

ucslugchick: but i go in order

SPAWN XVII: Ah

SPAWN XVII: I so wanted to buy the complete series for you, it came in this really cool box

SPAWN XVII: but I'm sure you already have it

ucslugchick: lmao

ucslugchick: yes.. i got them as gifts throug out the years

SPAWN XVII: cool

ucslugchick: now i want all the volumes to looney tunes and friends

ucslugchick: lol

SPAWN XVII: ha ha

ucslugchick: i have one

SPAWN XVII: I saw this awesome popeye early series tin I want

ucslugchick: lol

ucslugchick: isn't it funny how humans can be easily entertained

ucslugchick: lol

SPAWN XVII: he he, yeah

SPAWN XVII: well, I think it's cause I'm still such a kid at times

ucslugchick: i think we never grow out of being kids

SPAWN XVII: I love to explore so many things,

ucslugchick: so what are you up to?

SPAWN XVII: Eh, just working and trying to stop being such a spendtrift

SPAWN XVII: I have another job working in an after school job with kids

SPAWN XVII: but at this moment, I'm taking time off of school

SPAWN XVII: I need to get my act in gear again soon for that

SPAWN XVII: i'm just trying to hang on and make sure that I finish with something I know I will enjoy and be able to finish in general at school

ucslugchick: hahaha

ucslugchick: i meant... what are you doing right now

ucslugchick: lol

ucslugchick: but nice to know what you HAVE been up to

SPAWN XVII: Ugh, ask a simple question

ucslugchick: hahaha

ucslugchick: ok

ucslugchick: nevermind

SPAWN XVII: Um, I'm up, trying to excersize frustration online with video game news, music and.... that's about it

SPAWN XVII: I was cleaning my room

ucslugchick: hahaha... something that I've been needed to do

ucslugchick: i keep telling myself to clean, but i just get destracted and then sleepy

ucslugchick: lol

SPAWN XVII: i got the kithen done

SPAWN XVII: so, where are you living now

SPAWN XVII: ?

ucslugchick: san diego

ucslugchick: going to graduate school at USD

ucslugchick: i think I'm going to live in SD for awhile after I graduate because I love it so much

SPAWN XVII: Ah, I thought you already graduated?

ucslugchick: not from grad school

SPAWN XVII: AH! Well, Kudos to you

ucslugchick: hahaha

ucslugchick: thank you

ucslugchick: i just graduated in june for undergrad

ucslugchick: that's probably where you got mistaken

ucslugchick: sometimes I wish I took a year off

SPAWN XVII: no way, get it done

ucslugchick: but i guess it's better just to get it all over with

SPAWN XVII: you'll be like me

SPAWN XVII: yeah, you're doing good, why stop now?

SPAWN XVII: I had to leave cause I wasn't doing good like I used to, so I needed to take time off

ucslugchick: and why was that?

ucslugchick: if you don't mind me asking

SPAWN XVII: I just made a bad transition, didn't really have my foot fully in the door. I let the people around me become too much part of my life, it consumed me too much and I let it disrupt my classes. So I was suspended for a semester after they year was done. I just can't handle love and work and school at one time. So I let it slide, then went back, but then again, right away a family member died. I had a rough summer cause my friend and uncle died and I broke up with my girlfriend who just used me alot. With that death in the beginning of the semester, I should have just left, but I stayed, then my ex came back, really destroyed me, and a few other things, now I can't go back for awhile less I appeal, which I plan on doing. Also, I had a demoralizing job and my roommate never talks, so it was tough

SPAWN XVII: I feel I can go back now, but I need to really take it slow this time, too many major classes at once too hurt, alot of it wasn't too great, plus, UWM is much bigger than my old school, so it was a harsh transition

SPAWN XVII: Sometimes the cards just aren't right

SPAWN XVII: I was awesome at my old school UW-Waukesha, but UW - MIlwaukee was a bit too unforgiving for the time

ucslugchick: woah...

ucslugchick: alot went on

ucslugchick: sheesh

SPAWN XVII: yeah, i seem to find it all

ucslugchick: but at least you saw what you did wrong and feel ready to go back

SPAWN XVII: yeah

SPAWN XVII: I was pretty upset it didn't work when I went back though last year

SPAWN XVII: I was so ready, but when my other tio died, I should have said "this isn't a good sign" I let my relationships hurt me too much after that, and bam, out again

SPAWN XVII: I will finish it damn it

SPAWN XVII: even if I move back home, which seems like I should

ucslugchick: life... such a rollorcoaster ride

ucslugchick:

SPAWN XVII: yeah

SPAWN XVII: I need to just count my blessings a little more to stay on course

ucslugchick: so what would be th reason for you to move back in with your parents?

SPAWN XVII: save money, keep myself a little more responsible

ucslugchick: i see

ucslugchick: for me, it the opposite

ucslugchick: well... i can understand the money thing, but i think I am more responsible when I'm living away from home

ucslugchick: i get more peace and quite

ucslugchick: and self motivation

SPAWN XVII: I mean, on my own, I do get up on time now, I do go to work and get then when I am supposed to, I don't fight with parents, but yeah, maybe I just fool myself with the responsible thing, I can do it, I just need to make myself more ridgid

ucslugchick: i get distracted if I'm home

SPAWN XVII: i get distracted too

ucslugchick: and jus tin general... i would get into way too many areguements with my parents

ucslugchick: and they would want to control my life

ucslugchick: i'm better when I'm away from them

SPAWN XVII: yeah, I guess you're right, i see myself the same way

ucslugchick: the moment i moved doen to SD. I realized how independant I became

ucslugchick: down*

ucslugchick: such an awesome feeling

SPAWN XVII: well, this semester (even though I am out of school I still vew life in "semesters") still has alot to offer, I may get an internship, and I still play with the Latino group on campus, as well as the south asian group, so I do have alot to keep me grounded, but I will dedicate this year to being better than I have before and staying away from those who hurt me

ucslugchick: yeah... it's like getting some expereince ... getting yourself prepared

SPAWN XVII: well, I should finish what I started. Just please say a prayer for me, and I will hold you in mine, ok?

ucslugchick:

ucslugchick: fo' sho'

SPAWN XVII: thanks for the talk, it's been so long since we've had one. Miss you and glad to see you are doing just fine.

ucslugchick: it was good talking to you too

ucslugchick: hope things get better

ucslugchick: no...

ucslugchick: you know what

ucslugchick: it will get better because you're awesome

ucslugchick: and knwo you're stuff

ucslugchick: you'll finish and before you know it, you'll be happy and doing what you love

SPAWN XVII: Thanks so much Melodie, that means alot

ucslugchick:

SPAWN XVII: God bless you

ucslugchick: no prob

ucslugchick: God bless you too

ucslugchick: have a good night

SPAWN XVII: you too. Sweet dreams

SPAWN XVII: Good bye.

ucslugchick: bye

ucslugchick: nighty night

Morning Drama

SPAWN XVII (8:36:46 AM): Morning]
SweetGrlJust4u (8:38:20 AM): good morning
SweetGrlJust4u (8:38:30 AM): u actually caught me right before i was gonna hop back in bed hehe
SPAWN XVII (8:38:34 AM): HA HA
SPAWN XVII (8:38:49 AM): I woke up, with a headache, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I am up by default
SPAWN XVII (8:39:06 AM): How goes the New Year?
SweetGrlJust4u (8:39:22 AM): it goes pretty good actually
SPAWN XVII (8:39:39 AM): that's cool
SPAWN XVII (8:39:56 AM): I don't know, for me it's been up and down, like radically since the New Year
SPAWN XVII (8:41:04 AM): problems with my an ex, saw another who got really fat, and supposedly an ex-friend got back to me after being kidnapped? This is weird. Meeting odd people, when all I want is to meet someone sane
SweetGrlJust4u (8:42:22 AM): that is pretty weird
SweetGrlJust4u (8:42:28 AM): someone got kidnapped??
SPAWN XVII (8:43:14 AM): maybe. All I know is I woke up to this amazing story in a set of text messages, I have no idea how real or far fetched it is, how much it was really this person doing it, or how much it was just her under control
SweetGrlJust4u (8:44:02 AM): oh ok
SPAWN XVII (8:45:12 AM): it was from a girl I decided not to date, cause I felt it wasn't good timing at all, she was just grasping for someone, then she caught the first guy that let her in, and I guess it was wrong, like I warned her, but she didn't listen, and I guess it really turned on her. THis is all assumptions from just waking up one morning and finding this fantastic story by my bedside
SPAWN XVII (8:45:21 AM): I feel like I'm in a soap opera
SweetGrlJust4u (8:47:55 AM): hmm
SweetGrlJust4u (8:47:59 AM): yeah that is kinda interesting
SPAWN XVII (8:51:47 AM): you know what sucked too, damn life, when it rains it falls
SPAWN XVII (8:52:16 AM): I met a pretty cool girl, and wanted to be friends, just out of the blue she freaks out, and is like, "I have alot of things going on that i need to figure out"
SPAWN XVII (8:52:17 AM): ugh
SPAWN XVII (8:52:39 AM): why can't people just be a little more trusting
SweetGrlJust4u (8:53:40 AM): idk
SweetGrlJust4u (8:53:51 AM): because... people get screwed over a lot
SPAWN XVII (8:53:58 AM): I guess
SweetGrlJust4u (8:54:00 AM): and then they carry that baggage with them
SPAWN XVII (8:54:06 AM): that's bullshit
SweetGrlJust4u (8:54:12 AM): instead of givin every new person a fair chance
SweetGrlJust4u (8:54:13 AM): i know..
SPAWN XVII (8:54:16 AM): if you never went through hell, you can't get to heaven
SweetGrlJust4u (8:56:23 AM): well i dont know about that...
SweetGrlJust4u (8:56:32 AM): but yeah people should leave the past in the past
SweetGrlJust4u (8:56:40 AM): and people for the most part have a hard time doing that
SPAWN XVII (8:57:27 AM): yeah
SPAWN XVII (8:57:39 AM): I always try to do that
SweetGrlJust4u (9:01:04 AM): yeah. thats a pretty good idea
SweetGrlJust4u (9:01:05 AM):
SweetGrlJust4u (9:01:10 AM): ok im goin to bed though. im soo tired
SweetGrlJust4u (9:01:10 AM): hehe
SPAWN XVII (9:01:37 AM): Ok, ok. Good to talk to yah
SPAWN XVII (9:01:46 AM): Sweet dreams
SweetGrlJust4u (9:03:09 AM): hehe thanx
SweetGrlJust4u (9:03:10 AM): bye
SPAWN XVII (9:03:17 AM): bye

I Belive in Miracles

SPAWN XVII: Yeh, yeh!
AshleyDubbs: ??
SPAWN XVII: um, hello
SPAWN XVII: whats up
SPAWN XVII: ?
AshleyDubbs: heyyy
AshleyDubbs: notmuch
AshleyDubbs: watchin the office on tbs
SPAWN XVII: ha ha
SPAWN XVII: I didn't know they were in reruns now
AshleyDubbs: on tbs
SPAWN XVII: so guess who I saw today
AshleyDubbs: ?
AshleyDubbs: sept?
SPAWN XVII:
AngelaAshleyDubbs: eek
SPAWN XVII: HOLY SHIT! I have a doosy of a story to tell you about September too
SPAWN XVII: BUT, back to Angela
AshleyDubbs: hahahahaaha
SPAWN XVII: I talk very rarely to Angela, cause she's a jerk, and I am jerk cause she is
SPAWN XVII: Anyways, a friend of her's, probably her best friend, atleast in the sense that she had no one else left that close, but not really her best friend, well, she packed up and ran off to LA with her boyfriend
AshleyDubbs: hmmmmm
SPAWN XVII: Angela said she ran off with her "stupid boyfriend"
AshleyDubbs: haha
SPAWN XVII: And I said, "Ah, stupid boyfriend living, sucks that it takes away people from their friends, doesn't it?"
AshleyDubbs: hahahahahahahahaa
SPAWN XVII: An obvious slam on her, but I did ask if she was ok, but no response
SPAWN XVII: Well, I heard this chaotic story about september, I guess from her, and it made me think
AshleyDubbs: hmmm
SPAWN XVII: I sucked it up, texted Angela that I was sorry for being a jerk, and that I am just glad she is safe, and that "ps" I am sincerly sorry for the loss of her friend
SPAWN XVII: She said1" thank you, alex. Life is too short for either of us to be petty."
AshleyDubbs: wow about time she thought about that
SPAWN XVII: yeah
SPAWN XVII: So that was 7 this morning, and around 10:30, she calls me. I'm sleeping, with my phone under my chin litteraly cause I'm sleeping on my back, and I pick up, say good morning, and the best I can recall was her saying hello, and asking if I would visit her at her work
SPAWN XVII: she said it would give her something to do
SPAWN XVII: I said maybe, I fell asleep, woke up at 1:00, got up, got ready, and wasn't sure if I should, that maybe tomorrow, but I also knew, it's rare for her to even ask of this, this is the first time she deliberately and fully asked me to see her, and that I vowed to not let this go to waste and I would see her today
SPAWN XVII: So, I get dressed, make my self look hella good, like going out clubbing good, and head out
AshleyDubbs: hahaha yes!
SPAWN XVII: She works in this little cafe in cudahy, actually, just down the road from CIty Lounge. Can you believe that?
AshleyDubbs: hah nice!
SPAWN XVII: I pass it by address, not knowing it, then I see it after a turn around. It's this little dive of a cafe, looks like a house. This impossibly running place in the middle of no where
SPAWN XVII: I walk in, and see a girl sitting at the counter, it's her, she looks up, and comes to me with a smile
SPAWN XVII: I get a hug, and she gets me some food i asked for, being pressed for time, I knew I would be late for work, but I didn't care.
AshleyDubbs: haha
SPAWN XVII: in the first 10 minutes, I saw something odd, for one thing, it was her. And I say this with the utmost humilty, Angela, got fat
SPAWN XVII: I mean, I have never called anyone fat. Selena is thick, Ellie is too, one of my flings, Sariah was big, but almost fat, but since her frame was big, it didn't matter.
SPAWN XVII: Angela... she becme fat, even gaining alot of weight since that Indian night I saw her when I met Veronica
AshleyDubbs: oh wow
AshleyDubbs: hahahahahaha
SPAWN XVII: I just wondered in an instance, what happened to her? What kind of life is she living? Is it with Joy? How could I keep myself, and even slim a little, and her grow to twice her sice
SPAWN XVII: size*
AshleyDubbs: wow
SPAWN XVII: the resturant was this pathetic looking place. Not small and meek, but shabby and run down. I almos tfelt like this was crap, that even though I don't give shit aobut it in Idnaian when I go home to see my relatives, but this time, it just wasn't good at all
SPAWN XVII: I foudn that in a moment, I wanted ti just cry at the sight of her
AshleyDubbs: :-(
SPAWN XVII: I saw a failed society, I saw a failed family, failed men (her father and boyfriend), and even a small failed me, all inside a girl who has done everything but fail
SPAWN XVII: and, for the first time in awhile, I felt sick to my stomach. I was nervous, and lost my apetite, just like I did when we broke up and I was hanging into dear life with her, Icould never eat, it took me awhile to get over that, and I don't know what it means for it to be back
AshleyDubbs: ughhhh
SPAWN XVII: We barely talked, not knowing what to say, me getting madder and madder each time she asked me a question to an answer I had already told her
SPAWN XVII: Even at one point talking about Keila, and even divulging some information that I never even knew about her, and got angry at the idea she kept it from me
SPAWN XVII: Also even upset with Angela telling me Keila was my best friend, all the while knowing that she was my goddamn best friend, and only Keila became it when Angela fucked me over
AshleyDubbs: grrrr

SPAWN XVII (10:12:49 PM): ok
SPAWN XVII (10:12:51 PM): still there?
SPAWN XVII (10:12:53 PM): Damn
SPAWN XVII (10:12:57 PM): Can you do me a favor?
AshleyDubbs (10:13:31 PM): ?
SPAWN XVII (10:13:49 PM): I wanted to save that conversation, but this damn thing started to upgrade on me and made me go all the way, can you select all, and copy and paste it in a blog?
SPAWN XVII (10:13:57 PM): I want to retrieve it
AshleyDubbs (10:14:18 PM): sure
SPAWN XVII (10:14:07 PM): ok
SPAWN XVII (10:14:09 PM): So anyways
SPAWN XVII (10:14:11 PM): Where was it?
SPAWN XVII (10:14:25 PM): Can you redo the last sentence I sent before I signed off?
AshleyDubbs (10:14:47 PM): what
SPAWN XVII (10:14:45 PM): I send you a message saying she fucked me over
AshleyDubbs (10:15:21 PM): i'll myspace this to you
SPAWN XVII (10:15:14 PM): ok
SPAWN XVII (10:17:40 PM): say when
AshleyDubbs (10:18:06 PM): done
SPAWN XVII (10:18:51 PM): right
SPAWN XVII (10:19:54 PM): When Angela fucked me over, and not in the sense that the break up was what fucked me over, none of that mattered. It was the totaly disregarding of me as a friend, a person of history and a human being, taking advantage of all the support I gave her
SPAWN XVII (10:20:18 PM): So here we go again? I don't know, it was harsh, i didn't give her many hints at the questions she shoudl have known
SPAWN XVII (10:20:46 PM): my jobs, or other things, but I wasn't mean, I guess I just didn't know how to interact with her. Not in that environment
SPAWN XVII (10:21:11 PM): The other day, I had a desire to call her, to hang out with someone fun, someone that made me laugh, but I don't know what I would have done if I had called her and she did come over.
SPAWN XVII (10:21:26 PM): I think the shock of seeing her in the state she is in would have plowed me over
SPAWN XVII (10:21:37 PM): it's insane how she looks
SPAWN XVII (10:21:52 PM): I can barely see the girl I fell in love with underneith all of that
AshleyDubbs (10:22:39 PM): hahahaha
SPAWN XVII (10:22:40 PM): But in a sad way mind you. The time for me to go had long gone, and I finally decided to bolt all the way back to waukesha from cudahy
AshleyDubbs (10:23:21 PM): oh geez
SPAWN XVII (10:23:19 PM): She said, "Can I walk you out?" I said sure. put aside the plate of food i couldn't finish. (The only thing I finished was the orange juice)
SPAWN XVII (10:23:36 PM): We walked outside, and we gave each other a hug, a hug that actually lasted too long
AshleyDubbs (10:24:05 PM):
SPAWN XVII (10:23:51 PM): a hug of longing, and the thing was, it wasn't just me
SPAWN XVII (10:24:06 PM): She was in it too, almost too much for sucha girl to even do
SPAWN XVII (10:25:03 PM): We let go, said by, then another hug, this time more intense from her, me with one hang, her with both arms, not knowing how long to keep it. I gave in and squeezed her, and I let it fly, "I miss you" to which she replied right away without hesitation, "I miss you too"
SPAWN XVII (10:25:33 PM): I pulled away, and gave her a kiss on her cheek, still remember the smell and the taste of her skin
AshleyDubbs (10:26:17 PM): aww
SPAWN XVII (10:26:03 PM): a bye, one last touch in blessing on her forehead, and I was off
SPAWN XVII (10:26:16 PM): I wanted to cry, it was tragic to see her as she was, where she was
AshleyDubbs (10:26:46 PM): thats so sad
SPAWN XVII (10:26:35 PM): she even gained weight, I swear, since I last saw her at my place just a couple months ago
SPAWN XVII (10:26:48 PM): her hair is short, like a doubty old school teacher
SPAWN XVII (10:27:11 PM): she could dress sexy without trying, cause she was, and now, I see a withered being, someone trying to get out to live again
SPAWN XVII (10:27:35 PM): and quite frankly, I don't know how, or if, that is ever going to happen
AshleyDubbs (10:27:58 PM): ughh
SPAWN XVII (10:28:06 PM): She said at one point, "Do you see Dheeraj often?" and I said "Yeah, all the time. He's my best friend."
AshleyDubbs (10:29:11 PM): aww
SPAWN XVII (10:29:18 PM): she misses us
AshleyDubbs (10:29:39 PM): ya
SPAWN XVII (10:29:25 PM): I can see she misses being young
SPAWN XVII (10:29:30 PM): she is with everyone older
SPAWN XVII (10:29:43 PM): her boyfriend, her employer, the patrons, everyone
SPAWN XVII (10:34:38 PM): Well, it was pretty intense
SPAWN XVII (10:34:46 PM): I don't know what now
SPAWN XVII (10:34:57 PM): I want to say it was nice to see her, but not yet, atleast tomorrow,
SPAWN XVII (10:35:10 PM): maybe see her after i drop off my mom at the air port
SPAWN XVII (10:35:11 PM): who knows
SPAWN XVII (10:35:33 PM): All, I know is that it was a chance in a life time, one I never thought would happen AshleyDubbs (10:36:17 PM): ya i agree
SPAWN XVII (10:36:17 PM): Any advice, ideas, or comments?
AshleyDubbs (10:37:02 PM): hah
AshleyDubbs (10:37:08 PM): i never expected this to be your story
SPAWN XVII (10:37:00 PM): ha ha, yeah? what did you?
AshleyDubbs (10:37:59 PM): i have no idea lol

God Help Me....

I don't know what to believe anymore.....

[sent 11:19 am]

[end 11:75 am]

Motivation is a Harsh Mistress

So, if only I could just get my act together a little more. I was all set to save the world, and then.... I picked up the phone. Why do I do these things to myself? Cause maybe I have hope that this time around, it will be different. Selena called me, after I put her to sleep early, after being annoyed by all things, after getting my motivation back in an inspirational way, I picked up the phone and had to hear it all over again, "Do you think we have a chance?" I hate that sentence. She never lets up, even after huge fights and trying to calm, she rushes me with a question of commitment. I'm just trying to get over hating her, why would I even want to say something about us in the slightest. Can't I just had a friend who calls, says hello, laughs, jokes, instead of this commitment bullshit. Because it's not set and dry like it seems on here. It's years of turmoil and suffering. I just wanted to clean my fucking place, and I let her put me in a mood, all night and all day. I over slept completely and now I have only a couple hours to clean. At the very least, I don't feel like I did a night ago. I still have hope, thank you Angela. Now, I will go out with some faith in my heart.

Joyous Weight

Alex says:
IT IS A BEACH!!!
Angela says:
i KNOW!
Alex says:
HA HA HA!
Thanks so much Angela, I feel so revitalized, so much alive again!
Angela says:
i see that!
Alex says:
I mean, I'm not out of the shit yet, but I'm digging my way out of it
Angela says:
sure
soooooo
still alive and kickin?
can i say thanks for taking me to see the Wizard of Oz at the movie theatre that one time
that was so cool
I have never seen it on a big screeen before
except remember that one guy that came in and was talkign
tlaking*
talking*
Alex says:
Hey, no problem, I was happy you came
Angela says:
haha
Alex says:
Yeah, that guy was about to stab us
Angela says:
hahha
Alex says:
I was going to go with my family to see "It's a Wonderful Life" there too, but then the show was lost or canceled on their site and we couldn't get ahold of them
Angela says:
ohhhhh
Alex says:
They just aquired another theater, but I think the distribution deal prevented them from showing other films than new ones at the moment
Ugh, I was trying forever to see I Am Legend there
Angela says:
oh
i cant believe i talked to you on the phone for like 2 hours
Alex says:
Yeah, we haven't done that in a long time
Angela says:
or ever
lol
Alex says:
HA HA
Pretty good feat, eh?
Angela says:
yeah
Alex says:
I know, it was so good and so long, I forgot all about cleaning up, all about watching my movie. At the end, I wrote myself a little inspiration note, and then collapsed on the floor with a joyous weight and stared at the ceiling
Angela says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAHHA
Alex says:
Mmmmm yes, it was a grand old time
And yet again, I keep listening to this one song that sounds so inspirational again
over and over
Angela says:
that happens to me alllll the time
what song?
Alex says:
ha ha, I bet you dance over and over too
Angela says:
definately
Alex says:
Jay-Z - "December 4th" from the Black Album
Want it? I can send it
Angela says:
i got it on youtube
Alex says:
Ha ha
Angela says:
so apparently dec 4th is his b-day
Alex says:
yeah
send me the link to the one you are watching
Angela says:
well im not watching it anymore
Alex says:
fine
so what are you doing now?
Angela says:
nothin
Alex says:
Let go make a snow man!
Angela says:
ok!
Alex says:
Alright, where are my gloves
Angela says:
I blew my nose in the one, so you might want to wash it
Alex says:
whatever, I'm just gonna wipe my nose with it outside when I get runny
so you ready?
Angela says:
yep
lezzz go
Alex says:
where too?
Angela says:
outside my house
Alex says:
ok
Angela says:
hahaha
Alex says:
Alright, I'm almost ready
Angela says:
are you serious?
Alex says:
yeah
Angela says:
no!
you stay in your house young man
and go to sleep!
Alex says:
NOOOOO!!!!
Angela says:
yes!
i miss Amir
Alex says:
Yes come?
Angela says:
yes...as in opposite of your No
Alex says:
HA HA, poo. Awe, pobresita.
Wow, i've never hear you miss anyone
Maybe you are the one who should get some early sleep
Angela says:
no!
i have to read a book
finish it
Alex says:
HA HA
Angela says:
only 20 pages
Alex says:
Well I need to finish a snowman, damn it, you don't hear me going nuts
....except now
Angela says:
im nervous
Alex says:
yeah?
Angela says:
yeah
Alex says:
I always thought you were tough as nails
Angela says:
i know, right!
Alex says:
It's pretty neat to see
Angela says:
well it's because Amir went to dinner with Becca and Meg this evening
but when he called me he didnt have any weird questions for me
but I wonder if they said anything more to him
Alex says:
Oh
Angela says:
its funny though...
in all of these pic Amir has on facebook he looks like a crazy party kid
but the truth is that he's kinda a light weight
Alex says:
and you aren't
?
Angela says:
hahahaha
um........
i suppose not as much as one would assume
Alex says:
Oh, I never assumed
I just took you as a boring old biddy
ha ha ha
Angela says:
ahhh yes
i understand
Alex says:
Like just now, you didn't even want to make a snowman
shame on you
I bought all three seasons of Mind of Mencia, but I'm disappointed that as the series goes on, he has been doing less correspondence pieces on going around to places outside the studio
Angela says:
sorry
Alex says:
ok, that's all I needed to hear
I would have, I was in that mood
Still am. (bouncy, bouncy, bouncy)
Angela says:
ahhhhhhhhhhh
i hate facebook
Alex says:
What?
Angela says:
i dont feel like myself
Alex says:
What do you mean?
Angela says:
like i feel really reserved and quiet
im usually louder and funnier and more fun
Alex says:
I think.... I think i don't know you full normal always character, and I get snippets time and time again
Angela says:
right
Alex says:
I do remember you were a bit kooky before but very reserved and well, tough as nails
Angela says:
hahhahahaha
idk how i am i guess
but i havent been myself for awhile
Alex says:
I can see you opening up more, but that could just be time it's self on how long we've talked
Angela says:
only around old friends am i like how i like to be
Alex says:
You are crazy though, and sometimes we can keep up with each other, hammering back and forth
Angela says:
when im around people that were there when personality was all i had
lol
Alex says:
So how are you with me?
Angela says:
pretty normal
you get the intelligent side, and the silly side
Alex says:
Ah... right on. I take that as a compliment? He he
Angela says:
fo sho
but i wish i could pull out the jokster side a bit more
idont mean with or jsut with you
i mean with all
that is when im having the most fun
ya know?
Alex says:
Right on
Like, remember when I told you I "claimed my territory" with Dheeraj's friends at the Indian place? that's what I do now. right off the bat I go out with some sly insults. I've learned to be quicker to claim my ground to stay on top of the game. Still, I do get intimidated enough to counteract it
Like with some girls, trendy asses, and (dare I say it) fellow Latinos
So, still, what are you with others? Do you mean with this new group of people you are with?
Angela says:
im like shy and quiet as hell
idk why
its soooo lame though
i need to knock it off
wake up
get comfortable
yeah
lol
Alex says:
Yeah, that is interesting
Cause usually you are sarcastic and cocky
Angela says:
I KNOW!
Alex says:
HA HA HA
Angela says:
so let's practice
lets talk
and i can play me and you can play me too if you so desire
lol
i need a haircut
Alex says:
If I play you, all I will do is say, "Tell me a story, Talk more, Talk less, stopp analyzing me, cookies, dancing, blah, blah blah"
Angela says:
EXACTLY!!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHA
aww...you hate me dont you

Alex says:
Hate is a strong word
and does not belong in the same sentence as your name
Angela says:
ohhhhhhhhhhh i like that
nice
Alex says:
Hey, I have my moments (gives look like in his display picture)
Angela says:
huh?
Alex says:
*woosh* made the sound of Alex's thoughts going right over Angela's head
Angela says:
yeah or the fact that what he wrote was not grammatically correct and therefore it was lost in traslation
Alex says:
Uh, we are both speaking English here
Angela says:
(gives look like in his display picture)

no comprendo
Alex says:
You know what I like? I like that even though I don't speak spanish, but I feel I am a master of English
I meant I was giving you a look like I am in the display picture I have for this thing
Angela says:
i cant see the display pic
and it's look alike
or was that you were trying to command me to look at the pic because you "look like""
Alex says:
Um... whatever guy
H AH AHA
Angela says:
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Angela just sent you a nudge.

Alex says:
mmmmmmyes?
Angela says:
fala
Alex says:
I was going to bring over hot coco and serpico
Angela says:
habla
serpico?
Alex says:
That Al Pacino movie
uh, I was talking about it earlier?
Al Pacino?
HOO-HA!
You heard my answering machine message, right?
Angela says:
no
Alex says:
Ok, call my phone, like now, i won't pick up and you will hear... um... you will hear it
call, now please
Angela says:
no
Alex says:
uh... what?
Angela says:
no
Alex says:
CALL MY PHONE!!!!!
Angela says:
spanish: no
french: non
Alex says:
SI!!!!!!
Angela says:
portuguese" nao
Alex says:
WE!!!!!
Angela says:
oui*
Alex says:
WHATEVER GUY!!!!
Angela says:
german: nein
neit
no
no
N
O
not going to
cant make me
MUHAHAHAH
Alex says:
ugh, stop trying to be your snippy self for one second and call
Angela says:
better be worth it
hahaahahha
Alex says:
HOOHA!
Angela says:

Alex says:
HA HA HA!
'booyah
Angela says:
brothel
Alex says:
what?
Angela says:
i didnt know what that menat until i read this book
meant*
Alex says:
ah, good for you
Angela says:
not quite
Alex says:
you almost done?
Angela says:
with what?
being a snot?
no
never
Alex says:
bah
your bookm foo
Angela says:
5 more pages
i dont want to read them though
they seem like such a hastle
but i suppose, i have read 334 so far, what is another 5
Alex says:
right on
Angela says:
yeaaaaahhhhh mannn
its kinda a dirty book too
lol

Angela just sent you a nudge.

Angela says:
fell asleep?
Alex says:
What? You finished your porn, what is it?
Angela says:
no its a novel
but it describes some sexual content
Alex says:
Does your mom know what your reading missy?
Angela says:
hahahah
no, but I dont think she minds if i read a paragraph or two about it, just as long as a dont personally wrote those paragraphs, we are ok
Alex says:
ha ha
Angela says:
i dont understand love handles
Alex says:
what do you mean?
Angela says:
why would anyones body carry fat in that weird place...i mean it makes no sense
and once its there it doesnt go away
never
no matter how much weight you lose
weird
Alex says:
who says?
Angela says:
i say
Alex says:
I think love handles are a myth, they are really just another form of a person's body that exist, end of story, some have them, some don
don't, but since we skew what real beauty is, it's made out to be horrendous
Angela says:
ok
how can it be myth when it exists?
Alex says:
i mean that they are a defect not ment to be there
Angela says:
ok
done!

Angela just sent you a nudge.

Alex says:
How was it?
Ending please
Angela says:
it was nice
ending, the main character dies
Alex says:
aww
is it like a naturalist ending where they are crushed against forces they can't control?
Angela says:
no, he dies of old age kinda
after a pretty fulfilled life
Alex says:
thats good
Yeah, what was it? Dying of a big soul
Angela says:
dang it!
im so mad!
the book i read i was wondering if it was originally written in spansih and it is
i should have read the spanish version
ugh
but at least my copy is signed by the author
that counts for something...right?
Alex says:
yuppers
where did you get this anyways?
and how?
Angela says:
at Harry W Schwartz
Alex says:
you were just browsing one day?
Angela says:
yeah
already signed copy
5 bucks
Alex says:
I have to take you to that book store I wanted to volunteer at
it's neat
Angela says:
ok
sure
hey
i gotta sleep now
i got big day tomorrow
hahah
i will talk to you later though
nighty night
ciao

December 4th

[Jay-Z's Mom:]
Sean Carter was born December 4th
Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces
He was the last of my 4 children
The only one who didn't give me any pain when i gave birth to him
And that's how i knew that he was a special child



They say they never miss you till you dead or you gone, so on that note I'm going after this blog. So this night has been a rejuvenation for me, and I hate to say it, but it was done by me again. In the sense that I called those I needed and they were also there when I needed them. I love my friends when they can come through for me. It was a blast. Where do I begin?


Angela, Angela all over again. No, not my Angela, but the new one. Conway. She intrigued me in that I talked to her less when i first ran into her at a birthday party for a mutual friend. I talked more with her hispanic friend than her, and yet we hit it off online. Then soon, it was talk, talk talk, then when I met her, she stopped it all. She became someone else, and it took forever to wear her away and get to her to be something more, but I always felt like I just needed to get to know her. Well, tonight, I can say she helped me.

I've been so out of it. So distraught and disaligned. I figured it out on the phone with her. It was September, when September stopped being my friend. I didn't freak like I did with Angela, but something else happend. I was able to rationalize it. Dheeraj tried to see if I was ok, and I felt alright. I said, "Is she dead? Then I don't care." in the sense that I don't mind if she turns me away, because I know who I am, and I know what I did was right. That I am none of those who abused her, that denied her, and tried to destroy her life. I was above it and a good person. But, i just didn't see it. Somehow, i filtered it out and forgot to learn about it. This lead me down a path of ignorance and distruction. The more I told myself this, I got cocky, and above myself. I didn't know how to counteract this new rationalization, and I let my loneliness just keep building.

Selena couldn't help, and she just got worse as time went on. I had fun for awhile with my friends, and it was grand, but then they left for their motherlands, and I stayed here. Matters because worse when my jaw was rendered incompacitated with having my wisdom teeth removed, preventing me from really talking at all. Soon, I fell out of the loop from all my social networks, and soon I was worse than before.

I started to grab for things, anything, any sensation that would kill my impending doom. It finally manifested it'self in going to the devil and forgetting who i was. I stopped trying to be good and I made a destermination to look out for number one. It was horrible. I started to just feel alone and desolate. Like I was isolated even more. Life stopped being exciting, with any meaning, it just became..... a narrow path. I forgot about being in a "Post - Veronica" world. Here is where Angela comes in.


I don't know what happend. I got up, went to work at the music store, then off to the after school program. The kids are always good, and love them all too much. I got home, ready to clean my crap, but I needed to eat, so I made some food as Rob came home early. I wanted to watch Serpico with him, but I guess My Name is Earl and 30 Rock were new, so we watched that. Afterwards, I just picked up my phone and went in my room. I just, I just determined that moment there that I needed to relax. I grabbed my brand new Miles Davis album, and sat in my room. I called Veronica Sotelo first. OH YEAH! I was going to call her after getting a message from her. But then, I just needed to relax, and I guess get out more than I even though. I called Angela, and she picked up. I said hello, and asked what she was doing, and I guess I just went into it. How life just sucked, how I'm aimless and I need to be good again. I forgot what i was doing and just let the gloom take over my heart.


We talked it all out, and when it was all said and done, it lasted over 2 hours. I can't believe it, it's never been done, not with her, especially not with her. But you know, it was so much help. I feel like a million dollars. Veronica called right after too and we yuked it up for like a half hour. It was grand. Now I have a joy again. I don't know what it truly was, maybe just a friend to hear me out after so long, but she did it, whatever it was, I feel rejuvenated again. I talked to her online soon after...



Alex says:
IT IS A BEACH!!!
Angela says:
i KNOW!
Alex says:
HA HA HA!
Thanks so much Angela, I feel so revitalized, so much alive again!
Angela says:
i see that!
Alex says:
I mean, I'm not out of the shit yet, but I'm digging my way out of it
Angela says:
sure
soooooo
still alive and kickin?
can i say thanks for taking me to see the Wizard of Oz at the movie theatre that one time
that was so cool
I have never seen it on a big screeen before
except remember that one guy that came in and was talkign
tlaking*
talking*
Alex says:
Hey, no problem, I was happy you came
Angela says:
haha
Alex says:
Yeah, that guy was about to stab us
Angela says:
hahha
Alex says:
I was going to go with my family to see "It's a Wonderful Life" there too, but then the show was lost or canceled on their site and we couldn't get ahold of them
Angela says:
ohhhhh
Alex says:
They just aquired another theater, but I think the distribution deal prevented them from showing other films than new ones at the moment
Ugh, I was trying forever to see I Am Legend there
Angela says:
oh
i cant believe i talked to you on the phone for like 2 hours
Alex says:
Yeah, we haven't done that in a long time
Angela says:
or ever
lol
Alex says:
HA HA
Pretty good feat, eh?
Angela says:
yeah
Alex says:
I know, it was so good and so long, I forgot all about cleaning up, all about watching my movie. At the end, I wrote myself a little inspiration note, and then collapsed on the floor with a joyous weight and stared at the ceiling
Angela says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAHHA
Alex says:
Mmmmm yes, it was a grand old time
And yet again, I keep listening to this one song that sounds so inspirational again
over and over
Angela says:
that happens to me alllll the time
what song?
Alex says:
ha ha, I bet you dance over and over too
Angela says:
definately


Jay-Z's December 4th. It was an obsession at work, and I didn't know why, but tonight, it turned into my victory song, and thank God, I'm free at last, free atleast, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M FREE ATLAST!!