Love is the only answer

i don't know whats going on here tonight man, I think god saved me, but I don't know, maybe it's just actions maybe it's just ;luck, a sonner, a sinner I just know that I need to get my head straight. It's all these people from my past ,like this is a second chance, she said she isn't late anymore, and I hope that is real. I hope this is real, I pray night and day, I want to take m care of my parents, I want to take care of my mother, but this is impossible, whats goiong on with life, with me?? I mean, meething all these people from my past. I just met ivonne tonight, another girl from my past, i rejected Selena, sho wanted me to see her, even with her supposed happy relationship ,aybe it was a sign that things will change. Maybe it's the good people who are coming back into my life to remind me of what I used to be, what I can be. Where my hope was, of what I am destined to be. Who lknows, maybe it was just another glorious night, but al all I do know is is that maybe this is another chace. I can't be certain. I can only keep praying over and over and over again. And hope that God needs me to be who i used to me used to be. Love... is the only answer.

She won't always love you just because

It's 6am, too bad it's not 4 am cause thats the time that alot of bad things are supposed to happen, but I'm drinking a mikes hard lemonade, and well, that's something i've never done before. Nore anyone would ever expect me to do. Maybe Sergio can help hone my writing skills, it's our new Mexicans helping Mexicans project. I think I'll call it... a million to juan. Yeah, that's a rip off too. But I know Angela would be appauld, so would my mom, so would selena, my grandma, my abuelita, and every other person I know, cept for my best friend Fiasal. She called me about.... two weeks ago, yeah, thanks, didn't know I still had my number. Maybe that needs to change. Actually, the Alex you knew was deleted when I changed my fucking voice mail (deleted my over used profanity about my Lord). I hate that thing. Alex J Dominguez. Or should I just say, "Hello, you've recieved subserviant americano, step on me and tell me I'm shit and I'll still say it's candy. Anways. maybe this is a new leaf, or maybe I'm just a aaa a liar.

Sea of Pointless Pussy

it is my renouned discourse, whatever that means, to never go to sleep again, long have I wasted my life, or atleast these past few precious years, i say three, asleep and alone and a dying desperate soulles shell of a man. is this what happens to people? those 40 somethings with the kids that they order around, the out of touch woman, the alooff woman mindlessly sorting the books on the donate section of the fair, feeling like she is the most imoortant woman of the show, shooing off the kids who so badly need a parent figure and just want to help, she shoos them away as if working on a atomic bomb, how trite, and predicatble thios diatrie is going, never the less, my writting styles are not what they used to be. I hate whatt my i hate what my malnutrition has done to me. Soda has wasted my life, and mcdonalds should send my fucking kid to college, or a or atleast pay off my college loans of the money I shat down their fucking throats. I need a hobbie, or atleast a purpose in life. I have been asleep for way to long, this revolutionary that could have accomplished anything. Whats alex doing they wonder?? is he out busy saving the world yea yet? no, he is siotting up watching his microsoft xbox 360, watching netflix, on his friends i mac macbook, and in all honestly, just plain pissed, anyways, he's sad, sad that maybe his prayers don't work anymore, sad that no one even remebers he prayes anymore. he's sad that this is probably the most writing his he's done in agesr ages. It's sad that he's even scared to write, to confront his own fears of even confronting his angers and failures. Meanwhile, he had a second chance he had a second chance and now, since he blew it, with self malase and anger, hre fucked it all up by being sorry for himself, being drained by the one mexican girl he had a shot with a blew it, letting her fuck his mind up years after it was over, never will I pick up the calls again, always will I remmber my abuelitas advice to her advice to never look back, always look fora forward. His girl may his girl may be pregnant again because, well, lets face it, i'm patheitic, I sit in a statistic now, along with the rest of the fucking world. So goes the little gy, the one that believes that he is above the rest, even while living amounst them. Maybe this is the begining of tn the next obama, spelling errors and all, watching the best series i've seen in a swhile, Californication, (it must be applauded) or maybe these writings will be lost in the corprate giant google, and now they are the ownership of them too. I think that maybe I should be brave, see what happens with my girl, because she is now mine, well, lets just hope that i can actually earn some money, and at the very least, live the american dream, which I guess is to stay alive long enough to get government health care.

5 NUMBERS AGAIN!

Alex

hey

11:06pmRachel

hi

11:06pmAlex

how you doing?

11:07pmRachel

im great. i went on the boat today and partied and watched a bon fire. i met a lot of people too.

11:08pmAlex

sweet

11:08pmRachel

yeah, how are you?

11:08pmAlex

good, you?

last night, I went too...

A wedding, kennedy's, club 3, meze, and the wherehouse

11:09pmRachel

oh...thats a lot in one day

11:09pmAlex

yeah!

holy shit it was, it was just like, one of those nights, like in rare form, everything happened. I mean the star aligned, devine intervention, you couldn't have planed a night like that if you tried.

11:10pmRachel

wow...spectacular. i don't think i have days that have devine intervention lol

maybe im wrong....

who knows

11:11pmAlex

ha ha

11:11pmRachel

so tell me the details

11:12pmAlex

so i go to my friend's wedding, it was pretty small, and even the people who stood up in the wedding didn't dance, but me and fiasal changed that, we sat with some old friends I knew and we partied on hard core, then the energy was pumping, and we was like, "ok, we got plenty of beers in us, WE GOTTA GO OUT!"

11:13pmRachel

i thought you don't drink?

11:14pmAlex

we high tail it to Kennedy's with the same people, and for a time, it was good. I got my friend Johnnie to show up too, and wasn't dressed to impress so I gave him my suit blazer and it made all the difference. So, one martini later, and the joining of one of our friend's sister, we went across the street to club 3

it was 3 dollars for anything, since it was their last night being open. It was packed because of that, but the dance floor sucked, it's a cool techno club, but damn it's too small

Johnnie buys for all me and Faisal. We get a round of Patron that was strong as fuck! We then decide to hit this eruo bar called Meze, a friend of ours works there too

11:15pmRachel

oh...thats why it closed?

11:15pmAlex

yeah

11:15pmRachel

when did you start drinking?

11:16pmAlex

we walk in and in an instant I bump into two girls I used to work with at La Casa de Esperanza. I haven't seen these girls for 5 years!

11:17pmRachel

cool

11:17pmAlex

They are celebrating their cousin's birthday. IT's like 7 latina girls all jamming, we take two more rounds of shots, then dance our asses off in a circle, taking up the entire dance floor of the small bar. Then the other people who were at the wedding walk randomly in as well. It's a brother and sister group from venezuela and an albanian girl and her sister (from kennedy's too)

11:18pmAlex

ANyways, the latina girls wanted to hit a latin club, asked us to go to Fuego, but Faisal's girlfriend was at Wherehouse, so we went there. I knew a girl I met was there, and she was texting me. but as soon as I walk in, fiasal ditches me and johnnit

not to worry, cause I meet, ANOTHER GIRL! Actually, it' was Johnnie, I turn and he's yaking it up with some tall white girl, I then get introduced and there is one girl in the group that seems familiar. She's like, "Don't I know you?"

11:21pmAlex

I met her a year ago, same place, for another birthday of a friend, and we start yaking. I teach her to dance merengue, blah, blah blah. I meet my other friend there, dance, her friends get tired and make her leave. Johnnie and I just standing like dolts, but then I see another couple of girls, so I'm like to Johnnie, "Follow my lead" He takes the black one (since he's black, HA) and I take the latina, who ends up being Honduran and a great Salsa dancer (as I fake my own the whole time) and we just have a blast

11:23pmAlex

We run into another UWM Latino girl who came with Faisal's girlfriend, and we end the night at Black and White Burger, witness a crazy bum come inside, finish our food, drop of Faisal's girl, get to Faisal's place to see his xbox is gone cause his friends took it, find they messed up the cable, so I just grab a pillow, crash on the couch, get up, go home, work on some dry wall and that pretty much sums it up

5 NUMBERS!

Alex

hey

9:42pmJustice

hey what's up??

9:42pmAlex

where were you last night?

9:42pmJustice

suite

you?

9:44pmAlex

I went too...

A wedding, kennedy's, club 3, meze, and the wherehouse

9:46pmJustice

daaang

what's club 3?

9:47pmAlex

it's right across the street from kenndy's, and in between 720 and Cubanitas

they closed

it was there last night

their*

and we went to Meze, thinking you would maybe be there, and ran into a bunch of people I hadn't seen for 5 years

9:48pmJustice

oh three lol

yeah i love that place

lol hahah whose we?

9:49pmAlex

Faisal, I, and I was with my friend Johnnie

9:50pmJustice

ahhh i see

9:51pmAlex

so I run into this group of girls, two I used to work with, then the group of people we were at the wedding with showed up, we danced the night away there, then they went to fuegos, and we were to follow but then went to wherehouse instead, met more people from the past, and danced my mexican ass off latin style

10:02pmJustice

lol

sounds like fun!!

craaaap

10:03pmAlex

holy shit it was, it was just like, one of those nights, like in rare form, everything happened. I mean the star aligned, devine intervention, you couldn't have planed a night like that if you tried.

10:06pmJustice

lol good :-) love when that happens

Well, that was awkard

So, I'm sitting here at my work, just minding my own business. The day is deader than a door nail, and I can't wait for something to happen, the only thing so far was a jerk ass customer tried to shop us after buying a car and my business manager was none too happy cause he stayed after for the woman and sacrificed his family time. I can't even remember what I was doing at the moment, but all of a sudden my phone rings. I don't recognize the number and I could car less, I'm a car salesman, now it's expected for odd numbers to call me, especially since my cell is plastered on my business card as my direct line. Whoever was the asshole who decided to do that to me should get smacked in the face. Anyways, it rings, I pick up, "Hello, Alex Dominguez" and this voice says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you" I'm thinking it's just a customer and I say, "Why not?" and she says, "because I just.. I didn't think you would have the same number, I'm sorry" I blank stare and stop my procedure and discover in one brief instant who it is. "Oh my God, I just realized who this was" "Sorry I didn't mean to call" "No that's ok, it's fine." "Sorry." "No it's fine... are you well?" "Yeah. I am, you?" "I'm good. I'm... uh, I'm here at work, I'm a car salesman, that's why I answered all professional like." "I'm sorry I called" it's ok, you... you take care of yourself, ok?" "Ok", and I think she said you too, but I can't be sure now, come to think of it. i cold here the shock, confusion, anger, and fear in her voice. Like that it would happen again, that it would start again, bad for her, bad for me, scum of the earth, fear, hope, and love... and dread. I put the phone down, stair into the distance just for a little. See my co-workers and get up, it's time for a walk. i stroll the lot, trying to make it seem like i give a shit about my job. It's not that bad. I think to myself it's not what it used to be, before I would be crushed, before I would dwell, and even now as I write this I know it's not even good to write, but I haven't in so long that maybe I can clear my head. But as soon as I stepped onto that parking lot, i stair off into the distance, into the setting sun, and only one things comes to mind, and I say it out loud, "God, I'm an asshole"

The Only Way to Make Things Right

Alex

hey, when is your weddings?

Put me down

I need to get my mail

your invitation went to my old address

9:41amStephanie

yups

u can rsvp online if u want: www.mywedding.com/griswoldlopez

9:51amAlex

funny

9:51amStephanie

how is that funny

9:52amAlex

whats the date?

9:52amStephanie

september 5th

9:52amAlex

ok

9:52amStephanie

reception starts ata 8

*at

ceremony is at 2

9:52amAlex

your site music should be michael jackson

9:52amStephanie

why

9:53amAlex

cause, he rocks?

9:54amAlex

Bah, you are no fun in the morning

I'm a have to buy a newass suit for dis too

9:55amStephanie

no i really am not lol

u can wear whatever u want... as long as its kinda dressy

9:57amStephanie

did u hear kristine got engaged 2 weeks ago?

10:01amAlex

yeah

that's cool

hopefully love finally triumphs

Oh, and i'm crazy, but i'm going to and try to propose to Selena

You're the only one that knows

10:07amStephanie

ohh geez well good luck

10:10amAlex

it will be the ultimate test, to put it to the end, one way or another, it will show that atleast it wasn't without that final push, and show Selena that too

She then can never accuse me of not having the balls to do it, and I can atleast say, "Atleast I tried"

10:11amStephanie

true

10:12amAlex

it's a cute ring too

10:18amStephanie

aww

10:18amAlex

White gold, with a pink gem, with little diamonds around it

10:19amStephanie

aww

that does sound cute

10:19amAlex

i'm going out there tonight

she hates me, lets see whats this does

both of us have been on edge, she may blow up in my face, but I have to do this

right after work, i'm not leaving until I find her

10:20amStephanie

that is very romanitic

good luck

10:20amAlex

I got out of work late, and I knew I was too tired, I went straight to bed so I would be ready

thanks

Say a prayer for me

This is the only way to make things right

10:21amStephanie

sure thing

Jim Croce

I miss my father

death

LIfe, is, Hell. I have no right to be angry, as all my actions turned from hero to villan. I am going... to hell...... message out.

Here's looking at you, Trix

A call out to Veronica. I loved you, but I barely knew you, and yet all I needed was to experience you once, and you had a hold on my life. I hate the unatinability of you, the desire, the love, the spark, the heart. I've seen a many girl who have aspired to be like you, and yet that perfect match of personality, cunny, and determination have aluded them all.

You're ability to stay off the grid only adds to your allure. It only adds to your mysteriousness that makes a man scream for more. And while those who have more than enough of you have squandered every last drop of their experience, our experiences always had poinence, always had meaning, always had significance and reason. We loved beyond our other significant others, and kissed in the deepest recesses of the night, held each other in need, and admitted our darkest secretes in total confidence.

I will never love like that agian, and something makes me not want to ever again. Because if it is without you... then it... is in vain.

Take care Trix, I love you.

Quixotic

Alright, no more fucking around no more. I'm making a come back, the Alex all of you have come to know is no more, I'm going to be heroic, with a slice of love. I used to save everyone, only to be left in ruin. But it was me that was supposed to be ruined, and one else, I've steered from that vow. I don't give a shit, I can still love Selena, but it will be on my terms in the right way, cause I can still be the hero. Ever since Brenda, I've strove to save anyone and everyone from harm, I'm a sucker for the babes, but know that outright, what I have to do now... it's take it all back. Love my family, love myself, and love everyone else... the right way.

Songs

False Remembrencies

you ever try to write a song without words?

if we can just stay alive long enough, we might become somebody