The End

and it was at that moment that I realized.. that I wasn't in love with her anymore, you know, if there was ever a a shadow of a doubt, like, you know that, that's it, you know, that just looking at her, sitting there, staring at her, looking through that box of memories and letters, and.. just... realizing that..., that just seeing the things that were never said, and... you know, like, those things were never said for a reason, and those things never happened for a reason, you know and uh, in a sense, I mean like, now at this point, never, you know and maybe things before but... I don't know,... I don't know,....... her heart.... never was


... Is Only the Beginning




You know how in school, when you are hooked up together with someone for a project? You know what, forget High School, any school, any activity. In fact, why not just say, that besides professional work that you get paid for, and not counting the lame "justification" of schooling where, "You're grades is what you get paid" but besides gainful employment, any activity in which a superior leader or director pairs you up with another person, more likely than not someone not your friend (atleast in my experience) in which you and the other(s) will have to perform a project or task, in which the score you recieve is shared equally (mostly) between those in the group. So, now that that mouthful is all the way out there, said activities always come with the stigma of being "lame" to those in perticipation. This response is usually due to not knowing the others in the group, and to protect your own ego, reputation, what have you, so that you can claim some sense of superiority, dominance and comrodery with those in the group, under the assumption that working hard is not respectable to one's merit. Acting tough is what saves your life or atleast that's the idea of displaying such a behavior. In any social setting, especially school, humans seem to distinctly do this. So is the ritual dance for any meeting of others in situations, primarily growing up, in which one person must put on a show more than the others to show a sense of power and worth higher than others. We all do it, to the nicest person in the world being outwardly nice, to the big dumb jerk who just tries to show how much of a jerk they really can be. It's all about intimidation it seems. Intimidating those around you to fear you, and intimidating the fear in you. We can be brave with a fist, or be brave with a mind. At one point though, and this is rarer than anyone thinks, just as quickly as that barrier is put up, that barrier can be stroke down, disappear, without warning, with no real reason at all except for the explanation of "I like you". Now take that "like" as what you want. Being that we speak the english language here, the ability to display the affections of romance and friendship over lap, mish mash, and get highly contrued in which we have to make up terms and words to ever get out point across. Even then... sometimes, some people just don't understand your point of view on love, and friendship, and in the end, that immortal struggle will come about again, and again, and again, until finally you can articulate it with just one sentence, and maybe, just maybe, you don't even have to with that person who comes along as gets it, and whistfully, maybe without even having to hear it at all.



Chapter Fun (One); Brenda...